I absolutely hate letting people down. Especially one of the ones I care most about. I hate myself for doing it. I can’t even think of myself as a good person after that. Especially since I know how much this meant to her. It just kills me to have to cancel..
When I got home today, it was one of those things that you never want to here. To hear that someone so close to you is dying and there’s no way of saving her. How you know that she might not even make it through the winter.
I just can’t come to look at myself as a person anymore. I wish I wasn’t close to anyone. I wish i didn’t have feelings or emotions. I wish i wasn’t human but maybe a fucking piece of grass. Im sure the grass is more happy me. i want to just leave this fucking planet and live on the sun. why can’t someone just break their foot up my ass and let me run 10 miles. im sure any of those feelings would be better than the ones im feeling right now. I just hate how my whole week can go so well and how i could have something to look forward to over the weekend be ruined in 10 minutes.
Life Fucking Sucks.
Takes forever to build, but only seconds to break.
I don’t see why you had to bring him up so much today. You know how I feel when you do. You made it sound like you guys went on some mini-date today.
I don’t know if you were trying to make me jealous or what but obviously it did and you said you wanted me to trust you? How can i do it when you make it seem like your hangouts with some guy you know has feelings for you seem like a date? I was just about ready to let my walls come down too but after what you told me, I think i should just keep them up a little longer and a little higher.
Find someone who isn’t afraid to admit that they miss you. Someone who knows that you’re not perfect, but treats you as if you are. Someone who’s biggest fear is losing you. One who gives their heart completely. Someone who says I love you and means it. Last but not least, find someone who wouldn’t mind waking up with you in the morning, seeing you in wrinkles and your gray hair, but still falls for you all over again.
Life is complicated. Sometimes you just don’t comprehend how things work. Like how close friends slowly fade away and never talk again, how pictures never change but the people in them do, how someone can just erase you from their life cause its easier than working things out, how promises are easily broken, how you can never forget your first love because they imprinted a piece of them in your heart, how a single “hello” changes your life, how you were everything to someone and suddenly you act as if you’ve never met, how you can just break down by all the haters who constantly say how worthless you are and you just wanna kill yourself. Killing yourself isn’t the answer, don’t think about a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Happiness, pain, love, is all part of life. If you’re ever down, pick yourself back up. If you ever get heart broken, don’t waste your time being depressed, you’ll eventually move on. That’s reality, and you just have to rise above all that. Happiness is a state of mind not a destination.